Seriously? Dear Walmart
Why oh why do you torture me so? Your staff is horrible — no, wait. I wouldn’t even KNOW BECAUSE I CAN NEVER FIND THEM!! And, can you please ask your customer service people to wash their hair once a week? I don’t mean to be ugly; really (!) – it’s just that I lose my lunch everytime I see am forced to stare at their greasy roots while I WAIT ON LINE FOR 48 MINUTES ! And, it’s not like you’re understaffed (!). I mean, seriously, there are tons of staff just sittin’ around. Can’t one of those lazy ass&s stop picking their nails and gossiping about their men and walk forward a few inches, actually STAND IN FRONT of their register, and say, “Next in line”? Oh, no, that would take too much energy.
I’m also convinced you must have some freakin’ subtle / mesmerizing /underlying message peeping through the speaker system that puts mom in a tranz – and I wind up chucking stuff in my cart that I never in a million years would have otherwise purchased!?! You make it seem like Walmart is “such a bargain” and everything is “so cheap”. However, when you purchase 387 items that are “so cheap”, a quick run through to pick up diapers turns into 1/2 of a mortgage payment — and I can’t even recite what I purchased.
I’ve never been to a store where when you’re desperately trying to find S_O_M_E_O_N_E…. A_N_Y_O_N_E… to help, to no avail. And I mean NO avail. I first say in a sweet, respectful voice: “Excuse me, Miss?”, and then follow with increasing requests (as they dart to the back of the store). In my hurry (which is then fury) to track them down, I have been known to accidently run over strangers’ toes and knocking down displays. I mean, what starts as a simply “Excuse me, Miss?” turns into a chase of Kat and Mouse. Before I know it, they’ve jumped into the double-doors at the back of the store that are for ‘Personnel Only‘. I mean, c’mon people!
My last bone to pick for the day is OPEN UP MORE THAN 2 REGISTERS FOR THE 862 LINED UP TO CHECK OUT? Why I continue to put up with your crap, I don’t know. Probably b/c of the perception that I’m actually saving money — but all the money I’m saving is spent at the salon COVERING THE 458 GRAY HAIRS THAT surface due to the STRESS OF my visits to your chop shop.
WHY do you torture me so? Walmart, you make me late for EVERY commitment I have that follows my trip to your store. I’m not even going to comment on the CROWD THAT HANGS OUT at Walmart on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. Visiting Walmart on a weekend night is like being held hostage at the freaking State Fair.I am NOT saying that I am more holy than thou, I feel like I have to take a shower before even hopping back in my car, for goodness sakes. I just feel filthy.
And, let’s talk about the fact that for the 1st time in my life I’ve considered using one of those child leashes for my children, while shopping there on a Friday night with them. The constant reminder of all of the Missing Children is wallpapered in the entranceway — solidifying my fear. I just pray they all weren’t kidnapped at Walmart. [Editor's note: I take MISSING Children very seriously; I can't think of anything in the world worse than this, truly. It just fears me that they tack up all of their photos at Walmart and not similar stores (i.e. Target). I just don't get it?]
I guess this is farewell, Walmart. Our courtship sucked, and so did our marriage. Why I stayed with you so long, I have no idea.