10 Reasons I Was Better Off Without Him
My assignment today: 10 reasons you’re better off without him…
I have been blessed with self-confidence, and the self-reliance to stand up for myself, my whole life — well, almost my whole life. My parents are 100% responsible for emulating this confidence onto me. Further, they always let me know they believed in me, and never criticized anything I did (or wore; thanks, Mom!). They only offered advice if I asked of it. Major brownie points, there. How many people are fortunate enough to have parents like that?
Well, crushes and infatuation do scary things to people. And, that’s ALL they are. Infatuations are figments of your imagination that “someone” is something so grande, you want it (or him) so badly, and you want it (or him) now. THIS IS unnatural, right? Why do we learn this so late in life?
Crushes skew your judgement. Note 2 my daughter and sons: when in a relationship — and your GUT instinct both tells you they’re not right AND you have a hunch your family is NOT a fan — take a serious hint. I NEVER asked my family FOR their opinion. ‘Cause I know what they’d say. Do you have a similar story?
I sweat 24/7 to raise my children with self-confidence, and insist that they listen to ‘that feeling in their belly that it just doesn’t feel right’. And run. Run fast if you get that feeling. They’re young, so it’s a slow learning curve. My mom taught me the same thing, but somehow I became so self absorbed; I didn’t remember the rules. I pray to God that a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t forever scar one of my children’s hearts, like one unnamed one did mine.
It’s shocking that you can be one way your entire life, and really believe you know who you are, only to be cremated by poisonous words others impose on you. Someone who sweetly wraps you around their little finger, only to take out the claws — once they knew you were hooked.
I can’t believe I’m bringing up a former “He” in my life on this blog, considering my hubby co-blogs with me (gulp, sorry honey!), but Mama Kat gave me an assignment, and I can’t let her down .
This person I was so much better off without — I still can’t believe how often I think of how he ruined my life for a chunk of years. Ironically, just months prior to dating this guy, I had just come out of a very normal, loving, stable, inspiring, and admirable relationship with my High School Sweetheart — where there were NEVER any red flags. From one nice, amazing guy to another — or so I thought. I felt deceived.
- I believe, at one point, I was truly dating Jim Carrey in Me, Myself, and Irene. I never knew who I was gonna get.
- I became his little project. He tried to mold and manipulate me into someone I wasn’t. No person in their right mind would intentionally hurt someone the way he did me. For the 1st few months of the relationship, I thought he was a level-headed, non-manipulative, great guy… for a few months.
- He’d verbally abuse me in one room, tear me down to my core into little pieces, insisted I was all of these terrible, malicious, loathing things, and then — literally walk out of the room, into the Living room where about 10 of our friends were hanging out and be unrecognizable. Mr. ‘everyone loves me’ (b/c he only allowed me the privledge of seeing this side of him) was a C-O-M-P-L-E-T-L-Y D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-T P-E-R-S-O-N in front of ANYONE other than me. At first he was the guy I only wanted to be around. Like a switch in his head, 6 months in, he messed with my head beyond comprehension.
- He CONVINCED me that an asset/gift that I had been complemented on my whole entire life – my outgoing personality – was something that others DETESTED, mimicked, mocked, and took as offensive. He swore that everyone we had ever known constantly complained about how annoying I was. I actually believed him, and began crawling into a shell; felt paranoid all of the time. I came to realize that these deceitful and manufactured pieces of fiction were due to the fact that HE wanted to be the center of attention – and couldn’t stand that I, unknowingly, stole the (his) show.
- He often told me I was chubby.
- He told all his friends, and all of my friends to tell me that I needed to wax my lip (I was bleaching it at the time… that bit of advice was actually a blessing in disguise!). I actually owe him a thank you; however, his approach was TASTELESS.
- We were just out of college; focused on new careers, happy hours, and living in one of the coolest cities in the US — the last thing on my mind was having kids. However, he insisted that all I wanted was for him to be my husband. Umm, NOT EXACTLY. I didn’t even know what I wanted out of life at that point. And, I wasn’t mature enough to even come close to making that decision. But, he was always looking to screw with my head… I dunno. You got me.
- He said some really nasty things about my brothers; he sucked.
- He twisted my sister’s arm during a harmless game of family charades on Thanksgiving. She only told me afterward.
- If Betty Ford were at my house at Thanksgiving that year, she would have sent a shuttle for him.
WAIT… one more:
- Due to his brain washing, I became obsessed with running (see #4, chubby comment), I fled the country (seriously) to get the hell away from anything to do with him for 7 months; I returned refreshed, refocused, and un-angry.
Within 6 months of returning from a short stint of a career on several cruise ships, I met the love of my life. I still get butterflies when I hear his voice. When I think of him I feel only warmth, love, encouragement, and admiration. He puts me up way too high on a pedestal, and I can’t understand why. Maybe it’s God’s way of counteracting all of the negativity in that past relationship. God, and Dave, are amazing!
Hubs is my true soul mate and God has blessed me 1000 times over for the horrifically damaging relationship I was entangled in for 8-9 months. I’d like to take this opportunity to, in fact, thank this guy who: stole my life, my emotional innocence, my confidence (for, thankfully, just a short time; shew!), and made me question who I always was.
Follow your gut. Follow your gut. And, ask for your family’s opinion. Don’t avoid doing so for fear of what they’ll say.
I heard he’s changed. Is change possible? Maybe it was just me he tortured? Hmmm….
I wish him well. I really do. I’ve heard he’s a better man, though.
I’m also anxious to hear in any of you have similar stories/skeletons in your closet?
I believe I went through this experience so that I can somehow share this story, when the kids are mature enough. There was never physical abuse or ANYTHING like that… but words pierce. Only people who have allowed people like this into their heart understand. Hopefully I’ll be able to detect if one of my kids’ boy/girlfriends has this potential beforehand, and mutilate him/her gently suggest that they hit the pavement.