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She Said: "There's No Place Like Home" | Today's Cliche - Marriage, Family, & Working Mommy... from BOTH Women's and Men's Perspectives

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

She Said: “There’s No Place Like Home”

March 12, 2010 by  

Hubby often says, while on business trips, “Wow, babe. I’m sorry… I so wish I was just home with you. It sucks being away from you and the kids. I wish I were home.”

Okay, so I normally wouldn’t bring this up, but we recently had a mini blow out about an opportunity I have upcoming for a Girls’ Weekend. Wahh, wahh, wahh… is all I have to say.

Let’s just talk about the “work weekends” (okay, weekdays, but… you get the point) HE has to go on:

  • He gets to sleep in a hotel with 400 – 600 count threaded sheets and big, fluffy pillows. Can you say j-e-a-l-o-u-s?
  • No baby monitor.

    • HE gets to lock the door and OWES IT TO NO ONE TO OPEN IT, except maybe to get the USAToday left on the other side of it.
    • No leaking nipples (I still lactate, even though all of my 4 are totally done nursing).
    • No arguing with kids about taking baths or showers (oh, he’s gonna say I don’t bathe them anyway… can’t wait for that comeback).
    • No 22 month old screwing up your iPhone settings, or calling corporate clients unintentionally. No drool on your phone. No “Airheads” sludge on your phone screen… or your ear (consequently), or your hair (forgot you don’t have any), or your purse (which is why I have 92 of them… for events like this).
  • No kids’/toddlers’ underwear with crap (literally) in it to gag at, and then attempt to scrub after it soaks in the sink. Ever try carrying that wet sludge all the way to the other side of the house to the laundry room with 4 kids hanging on your legs? Not a pretty clean up.
  • No carpool.
  • Oh, and my “Girls’ Weekends” (two are documented here, and here) are at least ON THE WEEKENDS when not much needs to happen. No firm schedule; maybe one of the kids has a sport one morning.
    • When I’m away for a weekend, he gets to keep the kids in their pjs ALL all weekend while he submerges himself (and the kids) in a deep, dark hole, playing the Wii from dawn until dusk. His work trips only fall during the most hellish, scheduling nightmare’ish weekdays.
  • No putting out fires between 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 year olds (we carpool with another family) ALL AT THE SAME TIME IN A CAR after the most frustrating work (and personal) day ever.
  • No whining so piercing that your dangling earrings shatter.
  • No reason to rip open a cold one at 4 pm because the other alternative is jumping off a ledge.
  • He gets a break from trying to balance / accommodate / measure / manage / pacify the needs, wants, and gripes of a 1, 3, 5, and 7 year old.

Boo hoo hoo... I really feel terrible for him, yah know

Don’t get me wrong. his clients are tough… He has to take calls at 3 am, 4 am, and 5 am some days. The phone rings often in the evening when we’re FINALLY winding down at 10:30 pm and he has to take the call and whip out the laptop (last night’s saga).

a. Our kids (clients) are tougher (!).

b.  He can’t be disappointed in his clients’ behavior AND feel like a complete failure — because at least he didn’t raise his clients.  I get soo frustrated when the kids don’t act the way we taught them to — almost like I “own” our problems while he’s gone, whereas he has to “take care of others’ ” problems.

c.  You know those cute little cherubs we goober and tear over when we see them angelically playing together on the bed together? Welp, they AREN’T always that loving toward each other. I love them to death. But they don’t always communicate their love toward each other as eloquently as I’d like.

d. In fact, they’re particularly ugly when hubby’s “out of town” (sigh)… staying in a posh hotel… able to expense any/all Starbucks, beers/cocktails, and fine dining experiences he wants to…

e. He can buy a People Magazine and actually finish the article without drool, snot, or dissection in the middle of the page…

f. On “business trips”, he can wake up to an alarm, not to the smell of PJ’s soaked in pee (and not my PJ’s, or my pee).

g. … Casually head to the shower on his own terms…

This is NOT me; although it IS how I feel somedays. ROTFL!

h. Poop without someone asking him “what’cha doin??”… Or, succumb to the begs to be held EVEN while I’m on the bowl (blog for another day)

i. Lay in the bed and watch trash television until HE CHOOSES when to turn it off

(I’m not even going to GO INTO the challenges of TRYING TO COERCE the kids to get ready, dressed, fed, and off to schools/prek… possibly throwing in a tidy before leaving… only to arrive at the destination completely late, and self-defeated).

Sounds like a freakin’ VACA to me, brothah. Nightmare clients, or no nightmare clients.

Must be flippin' nice!

CLICK HERE for the GUYS’ VERSION OF “There’s No Place Like Home”

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28 Responses to “She Said: “There’s No Place Like Home””
  1. Angel says:

    Ohhh you tell him mama.. They just don’t get it do they, cause they never have to deal with all we have to deal with during the week. IF they did they would go insane… You go and have fun and tell him I said pull his underoos up and get over it..


    Kat Reply:

    Threaded comment test


  2. I am so feeling you. The one weekend I have taken…my kids were at their dad’s and I had to board the friggin dog because that was too much work for him.


    Kat Reply:

    Okay, that’s REALLY retarded. And – pathetic!


  3. You have all my sympathies. I have been there too. I don’t think the guys get it. We aren’t trying to one-up them, but just don’t say how hard that dang trip was!


  4. Hilarious, as usual.


    Kat Reply:

    Oh, c’mon. I’m not that funny IRL. Well, maybe I am… depending on the day, and situation.


  5. Heather says:

    I totally understand that. I can not even leave the house for a hour before hubby is blowing up my phone “when you coming home” or “you almost home”


  6. Emmy says:

    Sounds like you totally need this weekend away. Hope you get it


  7. Jennifer says:

    Hi, I am your newest Friday Follower, looking forward to your posts. Visit me @ http://lifeisasandcastle.blogspot.com/2010/03/friday-follow-9-march-12-2010.html

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  8. Cute. You have the door hangers right that’s for sure! I don’t think my hubby even knows what it means to “dust”

    Friday Follower ♥


    Kat Reply:

    Random, but how many blogs do you Friday Follow? You switch it up each week?


  9. I feel bad. Because I am actually on the other end of this. And the guilt of that sleep far exceeds any pleasure I get of not having a monitor on.

    Love your blog babe.



  10. Cheryl says:

    Okay, you totally crack me up! Took me a minute to figure out how your blog worked, but I’m glad I did (full disclosure: I’m supposed to be cleaning for the baby’s birthday party which is in less than TWO HOURS). Anyway – really enjoy the format. Different than anything I’ve seen out there.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog too! 😉


    Kat Reply:

    Okay, do NOT get back to me today (since you’re knee deep in baby’s party clean up by now!!), but please email me at: Kat@TodaysCliche.com to let me know why/how come you had such a full time to figure out how my blog worked?!?!? That, frankly, makes me very nervous and may, in fact, explain some things for me!).

    Cheers! Chat 2morrow!


  11. Dorkys says:

    Haha, this blog concept is genius! I love hearing both sides of the story. And you tell him! You should get your vacay too WITHOUT the clients you birthed.


  12. What is this Girls weekend you speak of? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Or maybe I just couldn’t hear it over the screaming kids. You tell em!!!


  13. Yankee Girl says:

    My husband is in Puerto Rico for work and he called yesterday afternoon complaining because his laptop wasn’t working so he had to take handwritten notes. Then he called last night when he was on the beach with the guys he went with and they were all drunk.

    Yeah, sounds tough to me!


  14. Hello!

    Hilarious!!! =) Thanks for another good laugh.

    Hope everything is going well for you. Have a fabulous day! <3


  15. Danielle says:

    O.k. Kit Kat…I read both versions. I must admit that I was a little apprehensive to read your husbands version, mainly because I didn’t want to be swayed and feel sorry for “the guys point of view.” I read them both. What can I say, I’m a woman and a mother…I completely 100% am on your side. I’m sorry to the hubs…but guess what? Leaky nipples will always win, hands down!


  16. Robin says:

    Tooo funny…I was rotfl as well…my hubs never goes out of town..but if he did..id be partying up…Wooo Hoo…!!


  17. ally says:

    Hi following along from Stir-Fry Awesomeness. I remember business trips. I loved them… I’d be jealous too 🙂

    Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing


  18. Ivy says:

    I’m with you on this one. My husband is on a business trip right now. Why is that while they are at work or on a trip, the kids are so bad. But as soon as they get home, they are angels?


  19. Marie Cole says:

    Yikes being a Mom sounds like NO fun!


  20. Becky says:

    Oh so very very true. 🙂 I’m a single Mom so it’s a wee bit different. But, when I do go on a work trip which usually happens once or twice a year it’s like a mini vaca for me even though I have to work 12hrs a day. Just to be able to go to my room not hear, mama I’m bored, what’s for dinner, I’m bored.


  21. “h. Poop without someone asking him “what’cha doin??”… Or, succumb to the begs to be held EVEN while I’m on the bowl (blog for another day)”

    THIS makes me feel so much better. I just figured my kiddo was super weird.


  22. Missy says:

    Men just don’t get it do they? I wish I had time to even make friends to go on a girls’ weekend. LOL

    Stopping in from SITS>



Check out what others are saying about this post...
  1. pligg.com says:

    She Said: “There’s No Place Like Home”…

    Hubby often says, while on business trips, Wow, babe. I’m sorry. I wish I was home with you. It sucks being away from you and the kids. I wish I were home….

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