“Not Me!” Mondays; Bojangles Hangover and Pretending Kids Aren’t Mine
- I did not pretend my children were not mine in the aisles of Target yesterday. Not Me!
- I did not snicker when hubby watched the total AT the cash register topple out at $418.34 at Target. And, he saw that I didn’t sneak ANY clothes, make-up, toys for the kids, or electronics in there. ALL FOOD! Nope, I didn’t sarcastically pull a “see, told yah!” at him. Not Me!
- I did not wake-up with a Bojangles “hang over” this morning. Not Me!
- I did not pick a zit prematurely on my temple/face last night (and without a mirror… cardinal rule #1!!) and am now regretting it. Not Me!
- I did not throw a mini-temper tantrum when I realized my damn camera battery was DEAD right before taking pics of daughter on stage. Not me! Murphy’s freakin’ law.
- I don’t believe Bojangles sneaks crystal meth into their Fried Chix for the addiction factor. Not Me!
- Hubby and I did not pin our daughter down — literally, our knees on her elbows, on the floor — to change her earrings for the 1st time on Friday. She has been having a FIT for 6 mos. about it, and the tough love was in order! Not these sweet parents!
- In finagling that move, I did not horrifically flash back to when my 4 older brothers would do the same thing (throw me on my back; sit on top of me; put their knees on my elbows to pin me down; and then lean their face over mine, BUT THEY let spit drip and drool down until it fell into my eyes, nostrils, and mouth as I screamed “UNCLE! UNCLE! UNCLE!”, or (under their instruction) “I WORSHIP YOU! I WORSHIP YOU! I WORSHIP YOU!”. Love ‘em now, but what scum they were then! Not me! No trembling nightmares 30 years later.
- Yesterday, I did not give my almost 2 year old a poor-excuse-for-a-Puerto-Rican-shower (albeit, only with wipies!) after he woke with shit up to his neck. We were going to be late for church if I went the ‘real soap and water’ route. Not me!
- I did not totally pretend I knew who “Kayla from “So You Think You Can Dance” is so I could get a pic of her and my daughter. I did not Wikipedia her from my iPhone to find out, right there, on the spot. I did not then realize how freakin’ cool it was that she was one of the judges at her NC Dance Competition. Not Me!
- I am not about to brag in this sentence (I swore I’d never! Never say never!) that at this competition where Kayla from “So You Think You Can Dance“ was the judge, daughter’s Trio placed 1st Place, and her Company Production also placed 1st Place. Not Me! I am “so” not one of ‘those moms’.