Not Me! Mondays – Swiping, Car Trips, and Detox
I did NOT purposely swipe my sister’s People Magazine from her house, and pretend it accidentally made it in my bag (those puppies are like $4 each!). Not Me! (Meanwhile, she basically chased me out of the house and made me check my bags in front of her… only to reveal the goods). Ooops.
I did NOT fully just commit to a 21 day Food “Purification” (read as: “Detox”) that I will begin (hopefully?) next week. I did NOT commit to Blogging about this Journey through the Practice I’m doing it through. I did not cry for 22 minutes straight when I realized I could not drink wine or coffee during these 3 weeks (esp. since my birthday falls during it!). Not me!
I did NOT fall on the floor in SHOCK when hubby asked if he could do it with me. Note: He is SOOOO far right, when it comes to anything that involves supplements, organic, or anything having to do with anything “non traditional”. Believe me.
I did NOT pour an Appletini with my dad at 12:15 pm yesterday, just before having to get in the car for a 6-7 hour car ride (Hubs was driving… I needed something to get me through the pain!). I did not top it off before I left to bring it as a roadie (and steal a Starbuck’s paper coffee cup and top from the lobby to use as the disguise). Not me! (Don’t worry, I didn’t finish the roadie!).
I did NOT scratch my head for the 9,000th time after a Lllooonnnggg car trip, when Hubby ACTUALLY thought he was going to get some action after traveling ALL day with 4 kids and a dog (for part of it). I did not wonder WHY he ALWAYS tries to put on the moves on nights after we arrive home from a long day of travel like that (?). I mean, seriously, dude?
Note to All Hubs: After EVERY long travel day — car or airplane — your wife feels like a stuffed sausage.
A. Likely she and you overindulged way too much wherever you were and are swollen from it.
B. Likely she now feels a tire around her waste from all of the salt laden in the SuperSize French Fries she ate from the darks of the kids’ McD’s bags (fries that she prayed would fall to the bottom, without the kids noticing before saying “I’m done, Mommy… here’s my bag“).
C. Likely, she has unappealing travel “odor” (girls, you know what I mean) and is not going to take a shower just for (or with!) you.
D. Likely, she just wants to hit the sack (or computer)… WITHOUT you being within an arms’ reach of her. C’mon. You were just breathing down her throat for 7 hours. The only thing she’s thinking about is solitude! Not me!
I just don’t get it. When returning from a trip, all SHE can think about is catching up on emails, unpacking, and all of the crap and chotchkies all of the house that need to find themselves a home… and all HE can think about is wrapping someone else’s body around HIM? Echkt!