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Not Me! Mondays – Swiping, Car Trips, and Detox | Today's Cliche - Marriage, Family, & Working Mommy... from BOTH Women's and Men's Perspectives

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Not Me! Mondays – Swiping, Car Trips, and Detox

April 5, 2010 by  

I did NOT purposely swipe my sister’s People Magazine from her house, and pretend it accidentally made it in my bag (those puppies are like $4 each!). Not Me! (Meanwhile, she basically chased me out of the house and made me check my bags in front of her… only to reveal the goods). Ooops.

I did NOT fully just commit to a 21 day Food “Purification” (read as: “Detox”) that I will begin (hopefully?) next week. I did NOT commit to Blogging about this Journey through the Practice I’m doing it through. I did not cry for 22 minutes straight when I realized I could not drink wine or coffee during these 3 weeks (esp. since my birthday falls during it!). Not me!

I did NOT fall on the floor in SHOCK when hubby asked if he could do it with me. Note: He is SOOOO far right, when it comes to anything that involves supplements, organic, or anything having to do with anything “non traditional”. Believe me.

I did NOT pour an Appletini with my dad at 12:15 pm yesterday, just before having to get in the car for a 6-7 hour car ride (Hubs was driving… I needed something to get me through the pain!).  I did not top it off before I left to bring it as a roadie (and steal a Starbuck’s paper coffee cup and top from the lobby to use as the disguise). Not me! (Don’t worry, I didn’t finish the roadie!).

I did NOT scratch my head for the 9,000th time after a Lllooonnnggg car trip, when Hubby ACTUALLY thought he was going to get some action after traveling ALL day with 4 kids and a dog (for part of it). I did not wonder WHY he ALWAYS tries to put on the moves on nights after we arrive home from a long day of travel like that (?). I mean, seriously, dude?

Note to All Hubs
: After EVERY long travel day — car or airplane — your wife feels like a stuffed sausage.
A. Likely she and you overindulged way too much wherever you were and are swollen from it.
B. Likely she now feels a tire around her waste from all of the salt laden in the SuperSize French Fries she ate from the darks of the kids’ McD’s bags (fries that she prayed would fall to the bottom, without the kids noticing before saying “I’m done, Mommy… here’s my bag“).
C. Likely, she has unappealing travel “odor” (girls, you know what I mean) and is not going to take a shower just for (or with!) you.
D. Likely, she just wants to hit the sack (or computer)… WITHOUT you being within an arms’ reach of her. C’mon. You were just breathing down her throat for 7 hours. The only thing she’s thinking about is solitude!
Not me!

I just don’t get it. When returning from a trip, all SHE can think about is catching up on emails, unpacking, and all of the crap and chotchkies all of the house that need to find themselves a home… and all HE can think about is wrapping someone else’s body around HIM? Echkt!

Not Me!

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10 Responses to “Not Me! Mondays – Swiping, Car Trips, and Detox”
  1. MandyP says:

    HAHAHAHA! LOVE the “unappealing odor” comment!!! Iknow EXACTLY how you feel! =) You make me laugh!!! Love ya girl!


  2. Dave says:

    And, I did NOT sigh and moan and make faces for the majority of the trip when my wife was in the front seat, on the computer WITH HEADPHONES ON while the kids were screaming “Mommy, Mommy” over and over again.


  3. Melissa Albonesi says:

    You are one funny lady! This is hysterical!!!! Good luck with the food cleanse! I’ll look forward to reading about it!!! Great job with the blog! I am a loyal follower…sorry I am just finally commenting! How do you do it all???


  4. Kristin says:

    OMG…what was your husband thinking?!?! lol

    Looking forward to ‘talking’ with you more via our blogs… 🙂 The purification sounds like a good idea… I know I could use one… can I ask what program you are using??


  5. Tracie says:

    That is so funny! My husband is the same way….and I am looking at him thinking “did you just go on that unbelievably long car trip with me or was I imagining things?”


  6. lori says:

    Oh man – no appletinis on the cleanse? Aren’t apples ok? They’re fruit right? You are so right about the long trips! Ha ha!


  7. Ellen says:

    Thanks for the morning laugh! Understand exactly what you’re talking about. I’m bringing my kids up to know these types of situations and not the “movie” love stories. You know what I mean, the lay in bed and cuddle after instead of the race to the bathroom to clean up. Don’t want either my boys or girls to be disillusioned. Good luck with your journey and hope you got some rest. Oh, P.S. I’ll drink the appletini’s for you!


  8. Here from SITS. So true, so true. He seems to pick the strangest, most inopportune times.


  9. Charlotte says:

    Yea, why is it that men always pick the most inopportune times to get it on? LOL @ the unappealing travel odor!!! :p

    Good luck on your cleanse! I have actually been considering one myself (something about tea and lemon and cayenne pepper??). Keep us posted!


  10. Mindi says:

    Haha, hilarious! I did that cleanse, the hubs wanted some then too!! He had a better chance after the long car ride lol.


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