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Seriously? “Welcome to our ‘ool’. Notice there is no ‘P’ in it? Please keep it that way!” | Today's Cliche - Marriage, Family, & Working Mommy... from BOTH Women's and Men's Perspectives

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Seriously? “Welcome to our ‘ool’. Notice there is no ‘P’ in it? Please keep it that way!”

July 11, 2010 by Kat  

I’m at a pinnacle opportunity with Today’s Cliche. Testing the proverbial waters of really stripping away the onion into my unfeigned emotions, palpable insecurities, and raw idiosyncrasies.  But, I still fear being judged and showing “the real me”. Why? A huge portion of this hesitance is because I was raised in a family where we didn’t really talk about problems. You just (a) pretended they didn’t happen or exist, or (b) you just brushed them under the carpet. Period.

The majority of the friends I chose to be part of MY quilt of life were quite the opposite. Actually, I’d say it’s a 50/50 ratio. I so admire — and want(ed) to be more like the 50% who actually talked about the taboo subjects.  The result? Following the law of probability, I probably talk about the hush-hush items in my life (only) about 25% of the time.

However, on Today’s Cliche, I want to up-the-antie… and shoot for more of a 90% rate. Why? To start, to encourage you all more to face your own realities and reach out for the incredible advice and support that I’ve been blessed to receive by my followers. If you’re not a blogger, my hopes for you through MY upcoming journey is that you realize being “real” and not trying to keep up your walls is not as scary as it may seem.

If you are a blogger, and — like me — everyone you know KNOWS you blog… join me and say THE HELL WITH IT. Who CARES if people know “the real me”. S#it, I really don’t have it all together… so why do I still want to seem like I do?

My problem remains: Fear. Fear that I’ll offend others in the meantime. Why, you ask? Especially if I’ll be writing about myself? Because dissecting my real self includes using “examples” of how I’ve come to my conclusions. I’ll wind up using my relationships to others AS THE BACKDROP to illustrate how I came to the inferences that ALLOW me to be so raw.

What surfaced this post is another I came across on Monkey with Glasses. Her post focused on our lives being a swimming pool. She begged the question RE: who gets access to the deep end and who has to stay on the deck? She further spoke about how we can’t always choose the people in our life, but how much they influence us is totally our decision.

This metaphor was deep for me. I think of this analogy less RE: how problematic people in your life can be (she uses the example of how many of these people respect your pool, while others don’t. They insist on splashing around and making waves which causes you varying degrees of distress).

In the metaphor of your life being a swimming pool, I’d like to apply this parallel more so on WHO gets access to my deep end.  Right now, many I choose to keep in the shallow end – while some I choose to have stay on deck.

At the beginning of this post — when I talk about showing the “real me”, I refer to people “in real life”. My life PRE-BLOGGING.  However, if I keep my BLOGGING audience in the shallow end — or even on the deck — for much longer… the goal of my blog will fail.  In my PRE-BLOGGING life, occasionally acquaintances transformed into closer friendships, earned my respect and were allowed to go a little deeper. I can name a few who just never seem to have passed the swim test.

I can’t keep all of you fabulousness readers on the “other side” of the rope. It’s self-defeating. However, I have to admit I am TERRIFIED. What will you all think when I let you all in? Will I piss people off? Will I uncover skeletons that will be taken the wrong way?  What do you all think?

I am soo torn! I need your feedback!


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Comments

12 Responses to “Seriously? “Welcome to our ‘ool’. Notice there is no ‘P’ in it? Please keep it that way!””
  1. Angel says:

    Ya know what sweetie, if you piss people off by being honest and real with who you are and how you feel, did you really need them in your life anyway. I am who I am and that is apparent on my blog. IF you read me great, if you commiserate great, if it pisses you off hate that for you. IF I can’t be at a place in my where I can be happy with myself and spend my days trying to pacify the people around me to keep the waters calm then who have I done a disservice to? Everyone, cause I have filtered myself when I shouldn’t have to be on my page and I have been untrue to my followers. I am only human, I can’t get it right all the time but the ONLY person who I need to truly be concerned with how they view me is God. He knows I don’t get it right all the time,He knows I ain’t there yet and He loves me just the same. Matter of fact he would prefer I surround myself with people who feel about me the way he does, if they don’t they are simply dead weight to my growth..

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  2. gayle says:

    Hey there, thanks for the shout-out! I’m thrilled to hear someone was inspired by something I wrote. Your website is beautiful!

    I love the swimming pool metaphor, it works on so many levels.

    Remember that the people allowed into your deep end are people who have earned the right to be there; the closer they get to you equates to the amount of access you have chosen to give.

    It sounds like maybe there are some people that you’d like to let in deeper, but you’re not sure if they can handle it. Those are your guppies (beginner swimmers). Like teaching kids to swim, you give these people supervised lessons while you evaluate. As they pass the swim tests the closer they get to the rope (from guppie to goldfish – you know?), gaining more access as they go. Some people won’t ever be allowed that much freedom, and that’s okay. In fact, you will find some people don’t want to get that close to you. You have to accept them for who they are, just as they have to accept you for who you are.

    As far as the fear? Two things: First, if you’re intention is positive, and you treat all people with kindness, then you do not ever have to be worried what people think of you, and don’t ever ruin your peace over those who hate. Second, people are in our lives for a reason. There are times when people need to leave: sometimes you decide, sometimes they decide… sometimes the Universe decides. See if you can figure out what lesson they were there to teach you (or perhaps you teach them?), and accept what can’t be understood.

    Peace… gayle

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  3. Texan Mama says:

    Great thoughts!

    My rule of thumb is this: only publish what you’d be willing to say out loud to the person you’re writing about. I keep my blog “secret” from my mom and fellow church people because I talk about sex occasionally and some personal issues, that I just don’t think are their business. BUT when I speak about specific people, I write in a way that I would be okay saying it to their face. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt although there are times I rant. I don’t name-call but I do have some SERIOUS sarcasm. And, I don’t like. I try super hard not to exaggerate. So if my mom read something and called me on it, I’d have to say, “Well, that really wasn’t meant for you to read. But I’m not going to apologize because it’s true and it’s how I feel.” Like I said, truth must be tempered with tact, and I do try to do that.

    THe whole process of blogging has forced me to ask myself, How honest am I with myself and with others? The way I see my blog, it’s a nice way for me to say what I want to say, and be honest about it, and just kinda leave it there in case someone reads it.

    Hope that helps you!

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  4. Becky says:

    I refer back to a previous post I made and second Grace’s post. Has anyone gotten that email about friends? The one where people enter your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? I think it’s so true (sometimes you choose when they leave, sometimes they choose). I think as I’ve grown, I’ve become okay with that, and the levels of friendship different people are able to manage (at any given point in their lives). Not everyone will be a BFF, and that is OKAY!!! The trick is to keep the positive folks around you, and leave the negative energy-sappers at a safer distance.

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    gayle Reply:

    Thanks! Yeah… energy-sappers and negative people are definitely confined to the deck. Sometimes they’re not even allowed in the yard! lol ;)

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  5. Becky says:

    I meant Gayle’s comment, not Grace…there is not Grace! : )

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  6. Where does the baby pool fit in? Cause I think some days, I have two pools working! I wish my life fit neat and tidy into one pool, but it doesn’t and neither do relationships! I find I’d rather have the pool filled with those I’ve just met, those who I take a swim with, those who passed the deep end test, and those I jump off the diving board with! It keeps life interesting! I think you’re doing a great job letting us get to know you! I think part of the process of finding our voice, is the fun part of the journey! Just keep walking sister and know we’re walking next to you…or wading in the shallow end! :)

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  7. gayle says:

    @LoveFeast Table:

    Oh! You can have LOTS of mini pools, if you want to think of your life that way. Family pool, work pool, friends pool. Ultimately they’re all in your Life which is one big pool, but sometimes your swimming pools swish together, and sometimes they don’t.

    For example, normally my work friends rarely meet family friends. We just don’t socialize that way. Or my yoga friends never meet my husband’s coworkers. However, we’re having a big party this summer and we’re mixing all our pools together… it’s causing me a little anxiety, but it will be interesting! And there is one group (pool) of friends where I don’t want to invite certain people, but that doesn’t work so none of them are invited to this party. I’ll do something separate with them.

    So, you’re right. You can have smaller pools within your life, and they still work the same way with the access to you controlled by you. And then on top of that, access to your other pools is also controlled by you. :)

    However the metaphor works for you, ultimately, your goal is to keep your deep end as ripple-free as possible. As the guru Sachaninanda says (paraphrasing)… If you’re going to be selfish, be selfish with your peace. Because only when you are happy and fulfilled can you live a life of service to others.

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  8. Rebekah C says:

    Personally, I enjoy reading blogs that are true to life better than the “shallow” ones. Your personality has shown through beautifully so far and I can’t say you should be afraid to “let it all hang out”. You might offend people but so what? If everything you wrote made everyone who read it warm n fuzzy, your blog wouldn’t be very interesting!

    People are multi-faceted and NOBODY has it together. I think what you might find is that being open and honest about who you are will pull people closer to you, not push them away. Even if what you say smarts someone’s sensibilities, the real seed that’s planted is that you are every bit as human as your readers are and as such, they will keep coming back.

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  9. Flip Flopping says:

    I’m torn. My gut says that this site is already providing WAY too much insight. But my curious “got to look at the car accident as I’m going by” part wonders how interesting it would be if you went even further down into the deep end.

    Keep saying I’m not coming back, but can’t help myself.

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  10. Kara says:

    If people see the real honest you and don’t like it then what is the point in having them in your life anyway? The saying “People who mind don’t matter and the ones who matter won’t mind” comes into play here.

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  11. biergarten says:

    Hi my friend! I wish to say that this post is awesome, nice written and come with almost all vital infos. I’d like to peer more posts like this .

    [Reply]

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