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Why I’m Soooooo Not “Mom of the Year” | Today's Cliche - Marriage, Family, & Working Mommy... from BOTH Women's and Men's Perspectives

Monday, August 21, 2017

Why I’m Soooooo Not “Mom of the Year”

July 18, 2010 by Kat  

So, my lovable friends at Mommyologist and LifeWithoutPink are hosting a contest that I seriously think I have a pretty stellar shot at. And, my ego should not inflate, but rather deflate, by this fact.

It’s:


Why I’m SOOO not mom of the year. Top 10, Letterman style.

10. My throat was bleeding from screaming (literally AND figuratively!) BLOODY MURDER at my kids Thurs. night. Like, red blood.  When they freaking’ encroach on MY time at night to: (a) “Veg” (happens 2% of the nights), (b) work, (c) strategize, (d) organize, (e) catch up on Facebook (happens 1.007 % of the time)… I. AM. PISSED. And I mean pissed. 9 pm is no time for a 2 year old to be scratching or biting his 4, 6, or 7 year old siblings and swinging from the rafters. C’mon, people! And, of course, the peanut gallery is egging each other on.

There is ZEEEERRRROOO chance my 1st or 2nd kid EVER, EVER, EVER would have tested the murky waters like that. They’d ask me to go to bed, and go right to bed for me. They never got out of bed until the morning, when they gently called me from their beds, “Mooommmy, I’m aaaawwwwaaaakkkkke”. Oh, the good ‘ole days.

9. I’ve had fire engines screeching into an underground parking garage to save Yours Truly’s 1 1/2 yr old daughter. Why? Locked her in the car. To top it all off, her leg was wedged in between the car door and her
seat.

8. My child’s creative writing poem includes a reference to my favorite…. WINE store? Um, not only embarrassing, but Parenting  F A I L.

7. I’m “that neighbor” that I can BET is the crux of most “You think THAT’S BAD” (with varying voice intonations) one-uppers.

Example: “You think THAT’s bad that you heard your neighbor fighting with her husband? WELL you should hear MY NEIGHBOR. All she does is yell at the top of her lungs at those damn kids to get them to do anything. Man, she gives them the business. Oh, and I can also hear every conversation she has on her phone b/c she talks so freaking loud… Let me tell you, I’ve heard some juicy stories from across the street – some of which involved you, matter of fact.”

6. My Thursday night extravaganza as noted here.

5. In public, I grit my teeth while pulling their arm and say, “I swear to G-d, if I have to ask you one more time to x,y,z, you see this hand??? Guess where it’s gonna go?” (Please continue to resist the call to CPS). The follow-thru isn’t there; just the threat — THEY DON’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!!! Help!

4. During the school year, my kids wind up peeing and pooping in the mobile potty unit in my trunk MORE than they do on the porcelain goddess. I drive carpool like it’s my full-time job — all over God’s creation. And, there’s zero chance I’m dragging all of those kids into a public restroom. They get to go potty with others lurking around, looking to see what all the commotion is in my open trunk.   I dump bagged poop in garbage pails in the front of grocery stores all over town.  Better hope you’re not heading to THAT grocery a few days after that baby bakes in the sun.

3. I have slept through picking up my children at preschool. Seriously. Yes, pick up is in the afternoon. Horrible, horrible Mommy.

2. I’ve run out of gas with all of the kids in the car. Yes, that low fuel light is no freaking joke.

1. I didn’t realize I needed a double bolt on my bedroom door. I didn’t know my kids know how to pick locks. Let’s just say our 4 tikes learned a bit early RE: the birds and the bees last weekend.

Please, please tell me I’m not alone. Do you have 1 parenting fail that will make me not feel like such a a failure? Do you have 2? 10 like moi?

Do you think I should win? Leave a comment to let them know!



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Comments

34 Responses to “Why I’m Soooooo Not “Mom of the Year””
  1. Angel says:

    roflmbo good grief I have some stiff competition for this thing.. as for number 1. did YOU hear Daddy stop hurting mommy and were you 9 months pregnant at the time with a child that DID Not want to come out?/ ummm yeah.. PLus my baby can burp did you see that video.. I am so proud lol

    [Reply]

    Kat Reply:

    No, but I’m DYING TO GO LOOK/SEE!! Wait, are all of those you??? And, are they all linked up? Going to look right now!

    [Reply]

    Angel Reply:

    http://singedwingangel.blogspot.com/2010/07/i-am-not-even-close-to-mom-of-year-and.html
    the direct link to my post for this contest lol

    [Reply]

  2. Shell says:

    Oh, this made me laugh. 1? 2? 10? are you kidding me? I could go on all day.

    I did my post last Monday. ;)

    [Reply]

    Kat Reply:

    I know! I read it! Did I not comment? What a bad friend I am. Sorry! That’s how I found out about the contest, but finally got around to posting the damn thing.

    How’s it being away from the water?

    [Reply]

    Shell Reply:

    You did. I have a bad memory. LOL

    Have I asked you yet if you are going to Type A Mom in September in Asheville?

    [Reply]

    Kat Reply:

    You haven’t asked me… and I SOOOO WANNA GO, but hubs has a “guys weekend” (away) that some weekend. He “called it” before I knew about it. I’m sooo bummed!

    Are you going to BlogHer ’10 OR BBC in Philly ? I’m doing BlogHer, but think BBC is sold out?

    Shell Reply:

    I’m not doing either of those. There’s actually CHILDCARE at Type A Mom!!!! You should still look into it. Not often there’s a conference in NC.

    [Reply]

  3. Chelle says:

    Haha! God, I love your post. Pretty sure we are Mommy sisters!

    [Reply]

    Kat Reply:

    Just read yours… I should have named MY BLOG WIney Mommy!

    [Reply]

  4. alicia says:

    Totally cracking up. I have so loved reading these. And I do think you have a great shot. Those were brilliant and somehow make me feel a little more normal. Thanks. Loved the peeing in the portable potty one. Haha.

    [Reply]

  5. LOVE IT! #5 oh I have been there….whispering little threats to my son – Oh I have done that on many occasions!

    Thanks so much for playing along! It was worth the wait!

    [Reply]

  6. Haley says:

    BAHAHAHA! #4, #3, and #2 were my favorites!!! Freaking hilarious.

    [Reply]

  7. You are so not alone! Just this morning my daughter spilled an entire can of 7-Up on me and the couch and as I jumped up screaming God Damnit I also woke my husband up from a dead sleep and am pretty sure that my neighbors called CPS. All because of a spilled pop. And then I made her stay in her room while she was hyperventilating for at least 20 minutes. Then I proceeded to take a 2 hour nap on the couch and ignore everything that I planned on doing today. Yeah I am awesome like that!

    [Reply]

    Kat Reply:

    Was the can of 7-Up your daughter’s breakfast? Jealous of your nap today. You really didn’t need to do whatever the hell it was anyway, right?

    [Reply]

    Jayme (The Random Blogette) Reply:

    LMAO! Yes it was her breakfast!

    [Reply]

  8. Laurie says:

    Margaritas with the kiddos it is….but only if you promise not to take me anywhere you have left a bag of poop recently! You have a favorite wine store?!…all I have is a favorite alcohol store – so deprived. I love your top 10 and I share many of them (although I’ve yet to sleep through preschool pickup…give me a year or two more for that one).

    [Reply]

  9. brittney says:

    lmao oh no your not alone hahaha!! at least i feel normal knowing that i dumped poopy underwear in a public bathroom trashcan… same thing right? HAHAHA

    [Reply]

  10. Tracie says:

    LOL!! I’d say you’re a contender!

    I didn’t enter this one but you read me from time to time so you know I sympathize with many of these!

    [Reply]

  11. I think you and I are lost twin sisters? Seriously I DO ALL OF THE ABOVE!! LOL! Love your post! I have to say *Wine Store* is my fav!!
    PS- Added you to my blogroll!

    [Reply]

  12. Tylaine says:

    Great list! You’re definately not alone. It’s nice to know there are so many “NOT” mom of the years out there. :)

    [Reply]

  13. You are too funny!! I have used one of those port-o-pottys in my car too. It’s much better than stopping at some nasty roadside gas station. I only wish they made one big enough for me to use.

    So glad you were able to link up…loved your post!

    [Reply]

  14. Mungee's Ma says:

    And I always thought the low fuel light was just a suggestion. We had a parenting fail yesterday. Mungee just learned how to crawl up the step into our kitchen. We thought we would see if she could figure out how to crawl down … um, nope, she fell face first onto the floor.

    [Reply]

    Kat Reply:

    Fuel light is NOT a suggestion. I do like how you phrased that, though. ;-)

    [Reply]

  15. Ally says:

    LOL on the mobile potty. And the bagged poop. Hey, at least you bag it!! :-) Yeah, we’ve all got some not so proud mommy moments…

    [Reply]

  16. My favorite part is that your children can pick locks – I feel all developmentally delayed, I never learned that! Clearly you’re a fantastic mother.

    [Reply]

    Kat Reply:

    I LOVE how you some how make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Every time. Your wit is like no other!

    [Reply]

  17. Tracie says:

    That loud neighbor that people compare you too…yeah, that’s me! lol

    [Reply]

  18. Jamie says:

    Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I love your theme too! I wonder why. ;)

    I loved this list. while i have never dropped copious amounts of bagged poo in grocery store garbage cans, I too have had less than stellar moments. Yours made me laugh. :)

    [Reply]

  19. Nichole says:

    This was too funny! You are so open and honest about your life and trials. I love it! I also read your comment on blogfrog about being imperfect and Christian….totally agree.

    [Reply]

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    [Reply]

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