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Seriously: “Check me in, now” | Today's Cliche - Marriage, Family, & Working Mommy... from BOTH Women's and Men's Perspectives

Monday, October 22, 2018

Seriously: “Check me in, now”

July 23, 2010 by  

Did you ever physically want to hurt someone, based on something that is sooo not important?  But, it just eats at you — BURNS you up… where you’ve considered that you would consider time behind bars, for the crime you’re driven to commit, just b/c of your anger?

I have. I’m experiencing it as. i. type.

I physically want to hurt someone. Not my children. Possibly Not my husband. I’d consider Not my neighbor. WHY?

Call it hormones (I mentioned on Tuesday I was ovulating [yeah, yeah, TMI]; welp, I’m waaayyy more of a BEAST during prime poppin-out-egg/follicle-time-then-the-actual-blood-shed).  Call it what you will. I just know that I’ve never, ever felt this rage before in my life.

Okay, so I didn’t get the MEMO that CAMPING would be a walk-in-the-freaking-park compared to living in my house on Jul 18th – 22nd, 2010. My fear of camping was… wait, what? What did I say?  B  – U – G – S? Camping? Seriously???

The mother effin fruit flies buzzing around my head in the comfort of my own mother-bleeping-home when I’m making breakfast. Working on laptop. Pondering this blog post. Yelling at my kids. Booking airline tix for my next Girl’s Weekend (thank the Good Lord above for that one). Changing poops. Making beds. Scatching my ankle. You mother-freaking-name it.

WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?!?!? ARE THEY REALLY HAVING SEX THAT OFTEN? Is their pregnancy term, what…  2 hours? Because, lemme tell you, they’re reproducing in illegal amounts.

I’m reading all of the literature about why they come. I am not guilty. I don’t have that c#ap around (!?!?!??!).

The damn fruit flies swarming around my head are going to land me in the looney bin. Partially, I feel like I’m going to have a seizure (without a seizure disorder that I’m aware of?) just TRYING to CLAP-TO-DEATH the damn things. And, when I don’t see their knarly BLOOD print on the palms of my hands after the ensuing chase-to-kill-the-piss-outta-them… I get soo irate, you’d better not be within an ear shot of me.

My murder success rate, to date, is about .000000000000003%.

I’m vlaclempt. At a loss for words. Whoever has those damn voo-doo dolls in some cave pissing the hell out of me, please give me a Bye for this session. I’m going to officially lose it.

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10 Responses to “Seriously: “Check me in, now””
  1. gigi says:

    We have them really bad here too. They drive me BANANAS.


    Kat Reply:

    OMG – so confused how Bananas and Boobies play a role here. 😉


  2. I freaking hate fruit flies! We had them really bad last year. I wish I could remember how we got rid of them. It took forever. It was something about putting vinegar and something else in a bowl and then covering it with plastic wrap and then poking pin holes in it so the flies could get in but not out.


  3. Mesina says:

    Oh – mah – gawd. Fruitflies?!?!? Those little bastards drive me over the edge! And I wasn’t all that sane to start with! I am feeling your pain. I’d say pop on over to my place for coffee instead but….it’s freaking bugville here too.


  4. Salt says:

    Are they like particularly bad this year or what? My father has them all over his kitchen and it’s not like the kitchen is a mess. I don’t understand it!


  5. Kat says:

    OMG. Who the heck is this… VERY INTERESTED in knowing! Mark, you sound very sexy, though…. 😉


  6. Rebekah C says:


    And I dunno about you but over here the mosquitoes this year have declared open warfare on all things containing blood, but most especially me and my children.

    Those little wordsIwillnotsayasIalreadydidanono better watch out because I’m considering a flame-thrower as a gift to myself.


  7. Ally says:

    I.Hate.Fruit.Flies. Seriously. Hate. So, I feel your pain. And once they move in, I feel like I can’t get rid of them until… I don’t know. Forever. You should see my husband and I set traps for them. We are insane.

    And who the heck is that Mark Burnett wannabe? Cause fruit flies aren’t attracted to dirt. They are attracted to my nice, fresh, ripe, organic fruit. Just sayin’.


    Kat Reply:

    Thanks for sticking up for my, Ally. You’re awesome. Hey, you going to BlogHer?


    Ally Reply:

    No, I wish. Not in the cards this time.


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