Seriously: “Check me in, now”
Did you ever physically want to hurt someone, based on something that is sooo not important? But, it just eats at you — BURNS you up… where you’ve considered that you would consider time behind bars, for the crime you’re driven to commit, just b/c of your anger?
I have. I’m experiencing it as. i. type.
I physically want to hurt someone. Not my children. Possibly Not my husband. I’d consider Not my neighbor. WHY?
Call it hormones (I mentioned on Tuesday I was ovulating [yeah, yeah, TMI]; welp, I’m waaayyy more of a BEAST during prime poppin-out-egg/follicle-time-then-the-actual-blood-shed). Call it what you will. I just know that I’ve never, ever felt this rage before in my life.
Okay, so I didn’t get the MEMO that CAMPING would be a walk-in-the-freaking-park compared to living in my house on Jul 18th – 22nd, 2010. My fear of camping was… wait, what? What did I say? B - U – G – S? Camping? Seriously???
The mother effin fruit flies buzzing around my head in the comfort of my own mother-bleeping-home when I’m making breakfast. Working on laptop. Pondering this blog post. Yelling at my kids. Booking airline tix for my next Girl’s Weekend (thank the Good Lord above for that one). Changing poops. Making beds. Scatching my ankle. You mother-freaking-name it.
WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?!?!? ARE THEY REALLY HAVING SEX THAT OFTEN? Is their pregnancy term, what… 2 hours? Because, lemme tell you, they’re reproducing in illegal amounts.
I’m reading all of the literature about why they come. I am not guilty. I don’t have that c#ap around (!?!?!??!).
The damn fruit flies swarming around my head are going to land me in the looney bin. Partially, I feel like I’m going to have a seizure (without a seizure disorder that I’m aware of?) just TRYING to CLAP-TO-DEATH the damn things. And, when I don’t see their knarly BLOOD print on the palms of my hands after the ensuing chase-to-kill-the-piss-outta-them… I get soo irate, you’d better not be within an ear shot of me.
My murder success rate, to date, is about .000000000000003%.