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She Said: “The Red Carpet” | Today's Cliche - Marriage, Family, & Working Mommy... from BOTH Women's and Men's Perspectives

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

She Said: “The Red Carpet”

August 10, 2010 by  


After unloading my precocious but devilish kids at my sis’ house Thursday, I really didn’t mean
to rub it in my sister’s face the obvio
us: that the symbolic 1st pour (of a few) Appletinis represented the poetic commencement of an arduous “work” weekend.  At least that’s how I sold it to her. A work weekend… can you watch my kids on top of the 4 you already have?

She’s no dummy. God love her. In fact, she toasted with hubs and I before we headed out to the train station to head to NYC. In fact, she aided our efforts as we proceeded to fill up 3 thermal coffee to go mugs (yes, 3) with Champagne, and kissed her & the kids good bye. Love her. Isn’t she the best?  I think I felt the door hit me on the way out as we unloaded at the Amtrak station headed for Manhattan.

Authors of Today'sCliche.com at BlogHer, NYC

Lemme just start by saying that hubs is total freaking spaz. ANYTHING, any time, any WHERE that has to do with travel, he’s like Rain Man. I comment to him at the Amtrak Station that HAD we met when or about the time I traveled to 10 countries and 5 continents — THERE IS ZERO CHANCE I would have given him a second chance. Look up “TOTAL SPAZ” in Websters. You’ll see Dave’s mugshot. A SPAZ for no reason other than TO BE A SPAZ. That’s the KEY frustration for moi.

Where was I…. We arrive in Manhattan a few hours later; a little tipsy after (collectively) finishing off the Champagne mugs and 3 cheap ass red wines hubs actually paid money for from the Food Car. The steam of roasted peanuts and boiling hot dog vapor line the interior of my hairy nostrils. Oh, how I love NYC. I bored hubs to tears with my, “When I lived here in ’95, I used to do this, and this, and that… and, OH — look over there! OMG – you totally would have died if you knew what we did there. Oh, and here’s the highrise where I worked, and I took this subway from 116th and Broadway down to 52nd and Broadway, and Oh, this smell smell of urine and warm burps down here in the subway reminds ME OF THE EXACT BOOK I used to read while riding on it (isn’t it ODD how a smell can take you back in time to what you did, the last time you spelled it?).”

Upon entrance into our Hotel Lobby where the “work” conference is — s#it, we realize what a big freakin’ deal this whole BlogHer Conference is. The signage, the hustle and bustle… THE NAME BRANDS and companies vying for my, and fellow bloggers’, attention — so that I can represent, or promote their products — is daunting. We see Mr. Potato Head, Dora, and Elmo every few hours and my kids get all pissed when I send a text to my sis with our pic taken with them.

On another note, hubs received more attention from countless sweet women and MILFs alike this weekend than he likely ever will in his life. 😉  Thankfully, on many levels, Dave sorta “gets” how big this blogging thing is. The responses from women about him EVEN BEING there was overwhelming. Most pouted that their damn husbands don’t even READ their blogs, or understand what the hell they do it for, much less come with them to a Conference. I’ve always known I’m lucky to have him. Secretly, I fell more in love with him for being with me, his raw excitement about my end goals, and for going with the (MY) flow. Plus, he can flippin’ schmooze with the best of them. It’s just innate for him. Love that.

All 3 mornings hubs and I went for a run… the weather was retardedly perfect; almost as if Fri/Sat/Sun mornings this weekend were set late in September. Met a few bums, tripped over a few more, and I am still scratching my head as to why they chose to use a Starbucks cup to beg for money (duh, if you tipped out a plain styrofoam cup to me, I likely would have compensated you more, stupid head[s]).  Included Central Park in our run one morning and was utterly shocked at how it wasn’t bustling like a New York minute. Breathed in some fresh air and thanked God for this opportunity to have a fabulous family to blog about, sister and nieces willing to watch them, and husband who I still want to spend time with ;-).

Jill of Scary Mommy and Me. FREAKING LOVE HER.

A few items tied for first RE: highlights of my weekend:

  • Finally meeting up with Heather at Theta Mom, and seeing again Jill of Scary Mommy (who totally should have been honored for funniest effin’ blog ever, instead of just for her design, but whatev).
  • Met up w/those I met in the Spring at Bloggy Boot Camp who I just adore, including: my NC possy Fadra and Sue, Melissa of Organized Life By Design, Cheryl of The Budge Bunch, and Catherine at Evolving Mommy (!)
  • Loved meeting and learning about these Bloggers for the first time who I REALLY felt like I’d known my whole life (IN absolutely NO particular order, swear!):

– Sarah at Real Life Blog (love & my inspiration to start working with MomTV)
– Kim of Prairie Mama (love)
– Kim at Traveling Mom (love)
– Brittany at Mommywords (love)
– Kristen of Rage Against the Minivan (love)
– Jill of Crazy Adventures in Parenting (love)
– Carissa at Good N Crazy (which she is; love her)
– Jenn of Mama Said (love)
– Denise of Musings de Mommy (love)
– Suzi of Suzi Shelton (love)
– Claire at ClairNation (love)

And one, in particular: Shellie Ross of Blog4Mom and MomTV. Her story has unequivocally changed the way I think about, virtually everything in my life: personally and professionally. I need to make sure she knows that. I heart her. A lot.

To top it off, I might have to say that meeting the intelligent minds who are producing Project Mom Casting likely tops the list. Ciaran Blumenfeld of Momfluential and Lee of Moms Without Blogs are jaw-dropping story tellers who are nothing short of genius. Further, learning of the direction Ciaran and Leane are taking with Project Mom is utterly inspiring and feels so — to the core — right.

As I’m typing this on the Amtrak BACK to see the kids, I just got a whaf of an elfin’ narly case of chronic halitosis. I mean like the kind you only find with serious oral hygiene issues. Should I find out who it is and recommend they use the ticket money from this train ride to put towards dental insurance? Nah, I think I’ll just mind my own business for once.

Oh, and to the woman who decided to — during a professional, well staged, and exquisite art auction Friday night — take her ENTIRE dress off to allow someone to write an aspiring quote on her shoulder blades: you probably should have considered only one thing: Please groom down below. (Not joking when I tell you she wasn’t wearing an underwear or bra under her dress and just freaking shimmied outta that thing like she owned the joint). If you’re a guy or a lesbian reading this, don’t get too excited. It wasn’t a pretty sight (think the Mama from Throw Mama from the Train).

I – of COURSE — took out my camera. Hubs — of COURSE — threatened my life. Literally.

Lastly, it looks like you’ll be seeing me on a weekly show on MomTV (stay tuned) and anticipate being a part contributing my video(s) to TravelingMom.com. My debut on Sat. was regurgitating my best vomit story I had involving the little ones. Oh, I pulled a few out of my sleeve alright. There were WAY too many vomit stories TO regurgitate, but I stopped at one.

Overall, I’d say — between the seeing the naked woman who needed a bush-wacking Friday night, to the drunken dancing with hubs at Saturday’s after-party, and the sober morning runs with hubs through NYC, I’d give this trip a 5 outta 5. Oh, and I got to have dinner with one of my best friends who I grew up with (and her hubs, and 4th baby) on Saturday night — it was an honor that they made the trek.

This dinner is not to be confused with the one I had Thursday night where my wanna be chic high heels were a bad choice for a 12 block walk. I did the inevitable. The stupid. The “I would NEVER do that even if I was paid money”. In an act of COMPLETE desperation, I peeled off the zebra print high heels from SWOLLEN, SAUSAGE STUFFED soles, rolled up my jeans to my knees, and walked 10 blocks. With. No. Shoes. On. In. New. York. City.

Never Say Never. ECHKT!!!!!!!

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15 Responses to “She Said: “The Red Carpet””
  1. Angel says:

    sounds like ya’ll had a blast.. I kinda am curious about the conferences but then again I am more partial to my blogger bonfire here on my hill. No pretense ,no big companies vyiing for your attention. Just some blogging friends, a fire pit and cold drinks.. bring your own tent or RV I have the ability to hook you up lol.


  2. Gen X Mom says:

    So awesome. I would never think you are a mamma of all those kids the way you get out there and do what you do! Very inspiring. How do you do it?


    Kat Reply:

    “How do I do it?” That’s funny. In my mom’s words (who had 6, and I constantly asked her the same question): “I don’t know. YOU. JUST. DO.”

    How are you? Miss you!


  3. Scary Mommy says:

    I loved seeing you again– your smile is just contagious!!! And, I totally went barefoot in the city last year at BlogHer. But, NYC? Gag!!!


    Kat Reply:

    Not to sound nieve… but where WAS BlogHer last year? I know… NYC. Effin’ N A S T Y. Only reason I likely did it was b/c my reasoning was off, and had a buzz. All the MELTED GUM with who-knows-what-freaking NASTY germs on it that I stepped on. ECKT! I DID make sure to give my feet, and only my feet, a shower that evening (and then scrubbed my hands that cleaned my feet RAW).

    Loved seeing you, too. You make me happy.


  4. Kristen says:

    A crazy naked blogger? How did I miss this? I thought I had a good experience at Blogher but now I just feel robbed.


    Kat Reply:

    You were robbed. Robbed silly.

    I wish I had the pic to show. But then, I’d likely be divorced. So maybe, not so much. Are you feeling a little bit more like your optimistic hubs… or not so much?

    I’m obsessed w/your adoption stories. Can’t wait to dive DEEPER into your blog. Hugs, kat


  5. It looks like you had a blast!! I would have loved to have a weekend in NYC with my hubs!! I am so jealous of all the fabulous bloggers you met! One day we will meet- I just know it!!


    Kat Reply:

    Meeting the fab bloggers was awesome, not gonna lie. Also not gonna lie that I know we’ll meet! It was awesome to be with hubs in NYC. Not gonna lie about that either. However, being back to “real life” is somewhat of a nightmare!


  6. Carissa says:

    First. I lived in NYC in 95. Brooklyn. N/R Train. Pregnant. Amen.

    Second. I counted. I saw you and the hubs 19.5 times. The time in the elevator didn’t count.

    Third. There were people I was looking for the WHOLE conference who I NEVER FOUND. But I found you two over and over. Like Karma slapping me.

    Fourth. I’m laughing here in your post, spilling my late night cheerios a little in fact.

    Fifth. Horns. He’s right.

    Sixth. Sorry about the numbering, started out sounding funny now sounds OCD.

    Seventh. (We’re sticking to it anyway)

    Eighth. I missed the naked blogher part. Darn. But I have rockin photos of the whole write on me ‘women are beautiful as art’ thing.

    Ninth. I ran the 5K… where were you two? I could have breakfasted with ya’ll.

    Last and I’ll shut up I promise. WHERE have you been, and how did it take me so long to meet you!?


    Kat Reply:

    Okay, YOU NEED to seriously post YOUR comment AS AN ACTUAL blog post on YOUR site… you’re so freakin’ funny g-friend. We are waaayyyyy too alike. Scary s#it. I’m so glad I’m obnoxiously and inappropriately stopped you to comment about toilet humor so (a) early in the morning (b) early in the conference. I agree — why the HELL did we see each other 19.5 times, but others = 0.

    RE: the 5K…. Never got that flippin memo. We were both like, “WHAT THE HELL are all these tu tus about… and WHY ARE GUYS wearing them!?!??!??” Seriously, had NO clue until someone thanked the crowd on stage for the Walk.

    Lastly, you totally have OCD… stop hiding behind the wool. How I know is b/c I do, too.


  7. Ally says:

    1st – totally impressed that you ran every morning – especially after drinking. My runs SUCK after drinking! Although maybe NYC would stimulate me enough to make it worth it. 🙂
    2nd – the naked lady. Ewww. Nasty visual.
    3rd – your sister is a saint and you and Dave are adorable!
    I’m jealous! Lela and I ARE going to make one of these conferences one of these days!


    Kat Reply:

    Do you not see that it takes quite a bit (TOO MUCH) to take me to actually get a hangover these days ;-). Yes, it was TOTALLY the whole NYC thing that got me going. At home, no way, unless I was meeting someone and didn’t have a choice.

    Please be sure to let me know WHICH conference you and Lela would go to. My next stop is Bloggy in Philly.

    You’re the best! xoxoxo


  8. Cheryl says:

    It was so great seeing you again! Just wished we had more time to hang out! I am not going to Philly BBC. The timing isn’t good, but I am hoping to go to the one in Boston in May. Looks like you had an amazing time in NYC. I did too! So nice to get away without the kids. It was a much needed trip!


  9. Joy says:

    What an eventful trip!!! It sounds like it was a blast. I wish I had been able to go since it was so close but at least I get to BBC in Philly which is a nice consolation:)


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