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She Said: “Closing the Door On…” | Today's Cliche - Marriage, Family, & Working Mommy... from BOTH Women's and Men's Perspectives

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

She Said: “Closing the Door On…”

August 20, 2010 by  

What I’ve been
closing the door on, but shouldn’t be:

  • Really addressing my feelings about the loss of my mom ;-(
  • That the summer is O V E R (it SO isn’t! The youngest still have 2 1/2 weeks til PreK starts — AHHHHHHH). It really isn’t over. I need to stop thinking that in a few days these kids who I can’t take anymore love from the bottom of my heart will be gone for a few hours a day. They are not! They’re role in this house remains: to make me fall off of the fence onto the yard of insanity.
  • Closing my husband out, emotionally, when I probably need him the most.

What I’ve NOT been
closing the door on,
but really SHOULD be:

  • Husband’s trunk door this week — oops (He found it open one morning. Realized it was open through the night, and (clearly) needed to get jumped before work … while I was still Zzzzzzzz’in away in bed). Double oops.
  • The door on my Suburban last week — another oops (Friend was jogging at 5:30 am and closed it for us, since a Tsunami had run through NC the night before).  Holy crap, the car smells like ass still (stale rain water). And, of course, the car seat that likely may have had a smidge of fecal matter on it as well as urine, while also infested with month-old Goldfish and YoGos, was directly in the path of the flood into the car. At first I was pumped, thinking, “Well, at least I don’t need to wash that loathsome thing this quarter“. Then, after pontificating that it was clean, I realized otherwise. After opening the car 2 days later, the fact that I yacked in my own mouth at the smell should tell you something.
  • The fridge in the garage — Another major oopsie, but not mine. This time. You know the one for “overflow” of beer, champagne, and other liquid therapy dairy that doesn’t fit in your kitchen fridge? Um, yeah. That fridge. Discovering it is a bit more juicy than just realizing it was left opened the next morning.


Ok, please tell me you ALSO are a psycho mom who always wakes at like 2:30 am, with the realization that

Anyone else picture this guy stealing their kids? (Image courtesy Google.com)

this guy is going to (or already has) come in my childrens’ windows and stole 1, 2, 3, or all 4 of them?  After 7x nights a week of waking at this hour (b/c hubs never turns on the $30 per month alarm system for intelligent (?) reasons that I still scratch my head at) — I came across a particular scare last night:

    • As mentioned, I did my typical sleepwalking check on the kids; recheck every window lock (about 92) in the house — and then recheck again; and go to make sure my husband didn’t turn(ed) on the alarm as always since we pay for it ANYWAY, because he’s so reliable like that (PS : I’m certain when he reads this he’s gonna you guys the ‘old song and dance that HE WAS FOLDING LAUNDRY UNTIL 1 AM, SO “FORGIVE ME” FOR FORGETTING. Meanwhile, I’m no dummy. I wouldn’t give him shit about this UNLESS it was the 91st time it happened in 3 months. Oh, honey, I really am grateful that you folded laundry while I cried myself (seriously) to sleep.
    • The alarm tells me there is a door open.
    • A DOOR OPEN AT 2:30 AM?? I FEEL something wet in my underwear.
    • Since hubs was awake til 1 am, I do feel badly waking him to investigate. I walk around the house with large steak knife. We only have 3 main doors. First 2 are locked. I see — OMG — the 3rd door, the one to the garage, is not only UNLOCKED, but ajar! Light from garage is shining through.
    • I walk slowly down the steps, reading myself my Final Rights, with knife in the appropriate position to hunt and kill shoo the robber away.
    • I creak open the door, and see the fridge door OPEN at a 90 degree angle… SERIOUSLY!?!?!?
    • WTF (the “W” meaning “Who” in this bullet) is effin with me? This is a repugnant joke.
    • I reach my hand in fridge, while strategically holding knife in tactical position. I feel the sides of the gallons of extra milk. All HOT to the touch. Shit.
    • I feel the 1/2 gallon of half and half creamer. Hot to the touch.
    • I feel the drinkable yogurts (one case costs more than what most families eat in a week). Hot to the touch.
    • The tubs (as in plural) of Organic (not cheap) Yogurt. Hot to the touch.
    • I quickly calculate ALL OF THE MONEY down the drain and wonder who I’m going to kill first: the Robber in the house who is effin’ with me; my husband for being so stupid to leaving these doors open; or one of my kids for being so careless.
      • As I escalate the stairs into the house from garage, I REALIZE that if it’s the robber playing this bloodthirsty joke on me, I’ve just LOCKED Him INSIDE WITH US
      • I also ponder — if it was the kids’ mistake, how I’m going to make a 2 or 4 year old PAY ME BACK for all of the money they wasted
      • I realize there’s no way my anal conservative husband would make this mistake
    • I decide to still wake hubs to share with him what just happened. I pray he knows something. If not, there’s someone in my house.
    • I get an “Oh yeah. That was Quinn. I asked him to check and see if there’s any milk in the fridge last night.”
    • Oh… I was burning up. WELL DID YOU CHECK THE DOORS to make sure our careless PreK’er happen to close them?
    • I then shared with him what happened, got all pissy whispered in a sweet tone that we “just freaking lost $50 worth of food !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is all your fault!!!!!! Unfortunately, everything will have to be thrown away.”
    • I get a “No we don’t. That’s ridiculous.”
    • I wrinkle my eyebrows and grunt melodious breathe, “Umm. NO. I felt EVERY FREAKING container of all things dairy and they’re all HOT. Not warm. HOT. I don’t want diarrhea in every toilet in this house!!!”



Do you have any stories where you left a door — any door —
open that caused some friction among spouses?


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4 Responses to “She Said: “Closing the Door On…””
  1. SuzRocks says:

    I left our tent unzipped one time. Many spiders, mosquitoes, and bugs later my husband almost divorced me. The man is afraid of spiders.

    ps. I love it that you know what a nurse anesthetist is! No one- and I mean NO ONE knows what the heck it is I’m going to school for. I’m glad you like your CRNA!! I’ll be done with school in a year- ready to do your epidural for your 5th kid…. 🙂


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