He Said: “What’s Mine is Yours, and What’s Yours is — Err, Yours…”
There aren’t many things in our house that I can call “mine.” Mine – not hers, not theirs, not ours…just mine. At this point, I could narrow it down to – without much argument from Kat – any yard equipment, my old bowling ball, any Steeler/Penn State gear, and my underwear. Many people would assume that toiletries would fall into this category; if they lived in our house, they would be gravely mistaken.
Believe me when I tell you – and you’ll be shocked to read this – but I’m no Gilles Marini. I’m normally compared to a different “celebrity” - Mr. Clean over there. If you still need some convincing, look at these pictures or better yet ask any woman with vision better than 20/400. My point is that I need to take advantage of every situation to (try to) look and feel halfway decent. (This post DOES have a subject. I promise.)
Any guy will tell you that there is NOTHING better than the feel of a fresh razor. Any guy that shaves his head will no doubt be 20 times more vocal about this – a fresh shave across the coconut has a sound that is hard to describe.
The same one I use on my face and egg-shaped head is the same one she uses for her legs and no-no spot. Why can’t you women leave us just ONE thing that we can call our own?
Not to mention, this is happening with a woman who goes into convulsions if I take a sip from her drink. Again, seriously? After 4 kids and (what seems like) an equal # of “encounters,” don’t you think that she’d be over the spousal germaphobia by now?!?!
As great as the feeling of a new razor can be, I can’t begin to describe the horror of expecting a fresh shave, only to surprised by the tug and pull of a razor used earlier in the day to trim her panini. It’s a feeling similar to watching the other team run out the clock after your team misses the game winning field goal – realization kicks in, but for some reason you push forward, all while wearing your best diarrhea face.
I’ve been thinking for the better part of a half hour, and I can think of NOTHING that comes close to this in a role reversal. Should I brush my back hair, then give her the hairbrush to use? Sounds fun, but that’s not even close. If you have any analogies out there, please send them along!