She Said: “What’s Mine is Yours, and What’s Yours is — Err, Yours…”
Alright, so you caught me red handed.
To start, the only reason those items (underwear, shoes and — wait, what else did you think is yours???) are those you can call your own is because you have AWFUL taste, and not much sense of style — especially when it comes to the house. Have you not noticed that I always ask you your opinion between 2 choices (so you think you’re included in the decision making process), however 10 times outta 10 I ALWAYS go with the opposite? If you like it, certainly it’s not the right choice.
As for your razor… you always said you loved my smell, and that you’d do anything to be close to me 24/7. What better way than to shave your head with a razor that still has my hair follicles from down under freshly lodged in it? If you no longer want me to groom, just say the word, and I’ll gladly make it happen.