She Said: “Why You Should Have Sex at Least Once a Week”
Oh man. Majorly setting out on some unchartered waters here. I can hear my mom, my dad, and my sister right now, “Why would you EVER, EVER talk about your sex life in public like this?? That’s disgusting!” Well, they’re probably right. And, dad and sis can totally stop reading now, if they so choose. Blogs are for voluntary reading, yah know.
I’ve already divulged to you all the high I get from eruption of puss out of nodular pimples… Clearly, commenting on an article about sex can’t be nearly as intimate, or disgusting, as that.
So, this man I’m married to — a man who still writes, and means, the sweetest things — sent me an email that girls would pay money to hear. Cute. Complimentary. No underlying tones of wanting to get lucky that night. Or so I thought. He sent it outta no where. On a Wednesday afternoon. He’s “that guy” who makes you blush. And, I still get all warm and fuzzy inside at the thought of him.
Just after my warm and fuzzies, I had NO IDEA that he was ALSO hinting towards this. Geez. HOW differently men & women’s BRAINS function, ehh?
Here’s the IM that soon chased the email:
He’s always sending me sh#t that he thinks confirms that we should be doing the deed more, or online articles that support the fact that he doesn’t “think” I give him enough attention.
PAHHH – FREAKIN’ – LEEEEASE.
This is SOO US, taken from the article “Why You Should Have Sex at Least Once a Week”:
What might seem like too much sex to one person may seem like too little to another: (Remember that scene in Annie Hall, in which Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are discussing their sex life, split-screen, with their respective therapists? Asks Woody’s therapist, “How often do you sleep together?” To which he responds: “Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.” Meanwhile, Diane Keaton’s therapist is asking her the very same question, and she replies, “Constantly. I’d say three times a week.”)
Clearly, I’m Woody Allen and hubs is Diane Keaton.
First of all… THREE. TIMES. A. WEEK??? Not if you paid me.
Ouch. That was mean. Ladies, I know you know what I mean.
Why am I bringing this up today? Hubs tells me this morning that he doesn’t want to alarm me, but that he’s worried about me. Even though I’m falling asleep on the couch before 10 pm, and getting almost 9 hours of sleep, I’m still tired all of the time. When he gets home from work, if I’m not w/the Girls having some wine, I’m already in PJs (he says, “Remember my email yesterday? It’s true… you’re so exhausted at the end of the day, and I don’t know why — you’re getting a lot of sleep”).
Of course he has me thinking that maybe something IS wrong. Hmmmm, well I have been retardedly tired all the time. Hmmm….
I’m that “worst-possible-case-scenario” chick; immediately I think I have cancer. Okay, okay… Mrs. Overdramatic… maybe some of my levels are just off. Right? That could be it?
What I’m pretty certain about is WHY hubs forwarded that article yesterday on IM. To let me know that THIS IS THE SOLUTION!!! Just increase the occurrence of sex, and everything will be fine! The answer to everything, right? Lowers stress! Rejuvinates you! Makes you look like The Man at work!
Or, maybe because I’m STILL getting up about 3-4 times to cater to the unending needs of 3-4 kids in the middle of the night? You know that REM sleep we so desperately need? Well, it’s broken the hell up. Yes, I’ve been getting the quantity — but it’s the quality that matters. Quality sleep: A luxury only the men who sleep through the children obtain (!!).
Wait a minute… AFTER all of this… I just realized… I DO GIVE IT UP once a week! I just wasted all of this ink, and all of these muscles in my finger joints for nothing. Wait, you know what, I bet I’m wrong. He usually keeps tally. I’m being serious. Yes, like on a calendar and everything.