He Said: “Does the Pope Wear a Funny Hat?!?!”
I was a little worried about kid-duty last night – the previous night was a late one, as the 6 of us headed out for a Hurricanes game and 999 times out of 1000 they are a train wreck the day after a late night.
However, there’s always that one, rare occasion where they surprise you, and last night was one of them. They get to bed and I decide to tackle the 8 piles of clean laundry – similar to this one, except for the fact that Batman is the superhero that lives in our house, not Spiderman.
Kat was out with the girls for wine tasting (and, apparently, spending our entire monthly wine budget as well – we can talk tonight, Dear). I’m banging away at folding laundry, and Kat strolls in earlier than I expect. I still have about 3 baskets left, and I’m thinking “Great! I can get a little help, wrap up early, then watch some TV with the lady.”
My wife – God love her – comes home, grabs some food and plops down on the couch. When she finishes her snack, she has the cajones to ask me “do you want me to help?”
“DO I WANT YOU TO HELP?!?!” Let’s see:
- What percentage of guys in the world do ALL of the laundry for a family of 6? My guess is 1.3%
- You’re hunkered down on the couch like you’re ready for popcorn and a movie while I’m sprawled out on the floor folding laundry
- You asked 13 questions about the show on TV, and my answer – time & again – is “I’m not sure…I’m not really watching.” Could you not get the hint?
Did you even have to ask? Consider this analogy – Kat’s out in the yard spreading mulch. Pitchfork in hand, throwing shovelful after shovelful into a wheelbarrow. I come home, throw down a lawnchair next to her and ask “Do you want me to help?” That would go over like a poop sandwich!
On a completely different topic, I was trying to come up with the complete list of “obvious questions.” Here’s what I have…please comment with others:
- Does a bear sh*t in the woods?
- Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?
- Does a ten pound sack of flour make a big biscuit?
- Does a fat baby fart when you squeeze it?
- If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?
- Do you think I’m made of money?
- Were you born in a barn?